Scariest Day of my LIFE!

 (warning: i am not going to skip any details, so it may be TMI for some people) 

So ALL day monday i had been having light cramps in my abdomen. i didn't think a thing of it because i have them ALL the time, and i was hoping that meant baby was growing that things were progressing. So then later afternoon i head to work and while i am sitting in the office listening to my boss explain something i get hit with SEARING PAIN in my abdomen. Then i felt like i had wet my pant a little bit. So for 20 minutes i sat there (i am SURE i was making faces at my boss, but really i was trying to hide the fact that i wanted to double over in pain) and tried so hard to listen to what she was saying. finally she finished explaining that particular things and i quickly excuse myself and rush to the bathroom. i knew what i would see, but i was praying it wasn't what i thought. then there it was, one little drop of blood. So i quickly pee and wipe and there are is blood everywhere now. i cleaned myself up and head back to the office. I calmly start saying i have to leave because i am headed for the ER, but my boss shouldn't worry and i will update her this evening or tomorrow. We canceled my training for the night, she asked if i was OK to drive, and i left.

I got in the car and LOST it! i called Kel 4 times and called my friend Meghan 2 times until someone picked up. I was screaming on the phone that i was loosing the baby and headed to the ER and i just want Kel, nobody else but Kel. I finally get a hold of Kel, get to the ER and go up to the lady to check in. The lady i am checking in with is pregnant. i explain that i am 12 weeks and have had severe abdominal pain and bleeding, lots of bleeding and her face must have looked like mine. i had stopped crying by now but she was in shear terror. Every fear she had ever had was on her face. She tells me to sit down and i calmly sit and watch Ellen on tv. Kel shows up and gives me a look that makes me cry, and Meghan shows up (poor girls with super sick) and starts rubbing my back. I get called in and then sent back to a room. I just sat there, crying and crying and crying. Finally a TECH came in to take me (alone, Kel wasn't allowed to come and i hated it) to an ultra sound. i saw the baby on the screen, but no movement. so as i am panicking the tech says i have to calm down because i am tensing my stomach and distorting the picture. she tries to move the screen so i can't see but i still saw as she measured babies heart beat. There it was, the little flutter that i needed to see to know that i am going to be ok!

I was sent back to the room for awhile and then the lab lady (also pregnant) came in to take blood. I have always been IMPOSSIBLE to get blood from and it took 2 different sticks, lots of tourniquet and little hand slaps to stimulate blood and the slowest flowing blood EVER for me to just get the vials filled. Finally after having blood taken out of my knuckle (SO painful) all is well and i lay back to relax.

An hour later (slowest hour of my life!) the doctor says that baby is fine, has a very strong heart beat, the are going to examine me just in case and that i can go home tonight. HUGE SIGH! I get examined and am sent home. Nobody ever really mentioned what was wrong, but i heard the doctor mention i might have torn my cervix. awesome, that doesn't sound painful. Anyway i was sent home and told to take it VERY easy for the next few days until i follow up with MY doctor. so i go home and i did not sleep one wink that night. I took the next day off work and slept all day. when i finally got up at about 4pm i was feeling better, but still had some cramping.

I called the doctor and she ironically is on vacation this week, awesome. so i talked to her nurse practitioner. Pretty much what we THINK happened is a. i ripped my cervix... fun or b. all my weight loss has led to a degrading of my body (but baby is getting all the nutrient therefor doing great) meaning that my body is slowly failing. either way it's not good. I am making sure to take care, especially until i see the doctor, and am being VERY careful until i know more information. Kel and i are still a little worried, but we have a very good fighter on our hands (despite it's laziness that gives mamma heart attacks). If at such a young fetal age our baby is fighting so much, i am scared of the thought of teenager kiddo!

So this was in fact the scariest day of my life. All the feelings that i had lost baby were unbearable. God has blessed us and truly has big plans for this baby. My heart goes out to anyone who has lost a baby at any stage... you are all in my prayers! Please say a few prayers for us and for baby. I am hoping that this pregnancy gets a little bit easier, at the same time i will do whatever is asked of me in order for baby to be healthy!